Persevering with Progress

I had another extremely productive day yesterday with the show. I was able to successfully integrate the new formatting changes that I thought were going to present some major issues.

And it fits together so much better now.

Then at the night’s closing while standing in the shower, in a flash, I was told the answer to a problem that’s been road-blocking me for several weeks. I simply heard the solution calmly spoken in my mind.

This whole not trying to force things is really working for me. In the past when it came to new projects, all the seemingly insurmountable obstacles would overwhelm me. I would get angry and my anger would block any smooth, forward progress.

This time I’m simply acknowledging everything that has to be solved: I created their very own little document so that I’m sure not to forget them, and this way I’m not carrying them around in my brain constantly. I’m not having to stare them in the eye every minute of every day, constantly thwarting my attention from their nagging.

“Yes, I see you. Yes, I know you’re huge. No I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do about you yet.”

Then I work on the things that I do know how to solve. I develop them. I write them. I edit them.

I progress.

And then, somehow, the next step is illuminated. Or a solution is handed to me.

This takes effort. Every day the panic knocks, taps me on the shoulder. Every day doubt, my most reliable companion, tries to bring me down again.

Every day the negative chaotic elements that are circling all around me hiss and spit, swipe and claw, bare their white, gleaming fangs.

And every day I shake it off. This time, I don’t give in. I don’t give up. I shake it off and I try to create something brighter.

Every day the negative chaotic energy transforms into swirling positive energy: the kind of energy that makes a person glow, the kind of energy that lights up a room.

The kind of energy that turns beliefs into reality.

The real beauty in this formula is that I’m maintaining my consistency with it. I’m remaining persistent. This is huge.

Again in the past, I’ve flocked to positive streaks, be it creative endeavors or new spiritual tools gained, like a moth to the light. I’m incredibly intense for brief interludes and then I fade out. I lose my interest in the light and fly back into the darkness.

But a person can only fly alone in the dark for so long before she starts to wonder what it would be like to live in the light for fragments of time that are longer than just coming up for air.

Committing to living in the light takes an extreme effort on my part (as it does for everyone).

But I know now that the stakes are quite high. There’s no longer any room in my life for the pendulum to rock as powerfully back and forth as it has. I have to work daily with my energy. It’s just like any pattern: the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

And the key this time is to not drop it.

No more dropping it.