Fasting & the Gift of Appetite

Ah, the fast. The gift to myself that I love to hate. I discovered fasting in early 2005. Looking back, I can’t quite recall where that initial seedling of interest sprang from, but spring it did.

Our first fast was the May-June period of 2005. May-June because there was little to no freelance work during that time of the year. Which is good, because doing things that are physically and mentally demanding can prove to be rather challenging while on a fast. Makes sense right?

I also thought it would be a great way to save money. I was wrong. To clarify we were juice fasting, although we did water fast for a couple days in the middle. If you’re serious about cleansing your body, it is imperative to use all organic ingredients. Otherwise, you’re literally trying to cleanse with pesticides. And although this may work on your bathroom floor, I don’t recommend in on your physical body.

Three times a day, the Breville juicer and I danced our dance. I really enjoy the process of juicing. I wash and chop my ingredients, turn on the machine and then I transform solids into liquids.

No pasteurization, no preservatives, just fresh, clean, pure, organic juice. I was intrigued to learn that when you make juice fresh, a layer of foam forms at the top. Who knew juice had foam?

So good.

That first fast, we mixed it up and tried a handful of juices. I’m a mono-juicer now though, a Carrot-Apple girl (occasionally adding some fresh ginger).

By the way, making fresh organic juice at home has forever turned me off of store-bought pasteurized juice. It’s a falsity that anything good is to be found in it. I now view store-bought juice in the same light as soda. Really. It’s all just empty consumption (or worse than empty). The one exception to this rule is the Odwalla (or Naked) Green Machine. That stuff is like candy to me (weird, I know).

This means I drink less juice on the whole, but I justify it by the fact that the little juice I do consume is at least juice and not pasteurized high fructose corn syrup junk.

So why fast? The surface answer is for the physical body. Our bodies get backed up. We feed and we feed and we feed ourselves and our bodies can’t keep up. As Americans, especially, we consume way more than we need to. Every day. Fasting halts this process and allows our bodies to start chipping away at all the back up. (I could go into great, gruesome, detail here, but I’ll spare you the literal description.)

The detoxification that ensues can vary, depending on the amount of toxins you regularly consume. I am a caffeine addict and I drink alcohol. This equates to a splitting near-migraine status headache for the first 48 to 60 hours. When we did our May-June 2005 fast, Adam was doing okay until we entered a 48 hour water fast (centered within the juice fast). He got violently ill, was throwing up, dry heaving. It’s amazing to see a person’s body trying to purge when its taken in so little. Literally, his bodying was purging years worth of toxins.

I swore I would never fast while living in Capitol Hill again. We’re surrounded by an insane amount of restaurants. Particularly hard in the summers when they open their doors and windows and the smells linger with every step.

Hmm, so far I’m not selling you on fasting, am I?

Aside from the physical purifying reasons, fasting is a great mental/emotional and spiritual cleanser as well. For starters it requires great will power. It’s a very ‘against the grain’ type of thing to do. Nearly all outside feedback I receive while fasting is, “You’re crazy. It’s not healthy. I could never do it.” So, it proves to be a good lesson in following your inner voice regardless of what everyone else says: a real test in perseverance.

Secondly, I’m big fan of perspective. Fasting takes away all of the things I’m used to. It takes away the routine of eating. It makes me appreciate all of the great food stuff that I have easy access to. It simplifies things.

Thirdly, fasting has a way of lifting the veil from something that I didn’t know was hidden.

During my first fast I was amazed to discover that it wasn’t the hunger that bothered me (the hunger crests and passes usually by day four). Rather I missed the reward of food. Make it through a tough day? Accomplish something that you’ve been putting off? Have dinner at your favorite Sushi place. Grab a short soy vanilla latte from Vivace and stroll through the neighborhood.

I realized how partnered work and consumption are for me. Especially when it comes to caffeine. Coffee, the (legal) drug love-of-my-life. Whether writing from home, or more often than not, at a coffeehouse, coffee is an integral part of the equation.

It was a real eye-opener to acknowledge how much of my day I spent thinking about consumption.

And this year I lost my appetite for everything. My body has been begging me for this fast since spring time, and I have denied myself out of lack of will. I tried a handful of times to enter one and kept giving up a day or two in. A couple of times, I didn’t even make it through the first day.

This time I was able to slide right into it though. My local co-op market even had a wicked sale on all of the ingredients I needed, so I bought in bulk and saved a ton.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for this time, but I know I had to stop saying “no” to my body. It has something that it needs the strength to work on healing and it needs me to stop shoveling food in it so that it has the time and space to do so.

I think, secretly, I’m hoping to regain my appetite from this. Having lost it this year, my eating habits have been pretty shotty and irregular. This has led to me forcing myself to eat on more times than I’ve admitted and to, almost always, eating when I’m not hungry.

On all levels (physical, mental/emotional, spiritual), I think I’m searching for appetite. Hoping somehow I can regain the gift of appetite, the desire to be alive and to be a part of something. I’ve been getting flickers of it recently like a candle’s wick that’s trying to hold its flame, but the dead weight keeps pulling at my ankles, tugging and begging for me to come down, just a little lower, just a little longer.

I can’t go any lower. I can’t go any longer. This has to end.

Isn’t it ironic that in order to try and re-stimulate appetite, we must first go in the opposite direction? There’s a lesson hidden in that message, I’m sure of it.

I started the fast on Monday, December 11th. My goal is to be ramping out (reintegrating the body to solids) by the end of next week. As timing would have it, this would have me ready to re-enter a ‘normal’ diet on Christmas Day.

So while everyone’s busy stuffing themselves with holiday cheer, I’m going in the other direction. I can’t explain it any other way than to say, “This is what I need. I can’t put it off any longer.”

It really doesn’t feel at all like Christmas this year. Maybe its part of growing older, but I don’t think so. We’re not in a purchasing place (not that my definition of Christmas equates with commercial consumption) and we’re really so worn out that we have very little of ourselves to offer anyone. That is what Christmas is to me, sharing laugher and love, not miniscule gifts or cards with empty greetings.

So to all of my family and friends, know that this holiday season, this winter solstice, I am working hard towards giving myself back the gift of appetite. This is the greatest gift I can think of to give myself and to give any and all of you.