Flirtation if You Please

I’ve already blogged about the importance of art therapy and laughter, both positive forms of release. Flirtation knocks on the door, “Aren’t you forgetting someone?”

In my mid-to-late teens I was an outrageous, over-the-top, excessively embarrassing in hindsight flirt, but not in the positive form of release sort of way. I used my sexuality as a tool for manipulation. It was all about mind games. I don’t know what I liked more: the boys or fucking with their heads. (Okay. I do know what I liked more.)

Yes. I was “that” girl.

My junior year of high school I paired up with a gorgeous, equally sexually charged senior girl. Our friendship was centered on our love of male mind fucking.

My only collegiate experience was in a recording arts based environment. Lots of techie musician boys with a disproportionate male-to-female ratio. I was in heaven.

After Adam and I left LA and landed back in Central Florida, an amazing girl came into our lives and, for a short time, naturally blended into the relationship that was previously “Adam & Jenna.”

Over time, her father and her father’s (now) wife became my/our spiritual advisors. I’ll never forget the first time I met her father. I showed up for a group “breath work” session.

Branching off to further explain:

(a snippet from his website)

Breath of Life, Breath of Fire, Conscious Connected Breathing, Circular Breathing and Rebirthing are all variations of an ancient breath technique…

When you arrived on this planet, independent from your mother, you took your first breath almost immediately. It was vital that you learn to breathe before all else. The Buddhists call the moment of birth “The Great Forgetting.” Rebirthing is a breath process one could easily call “Discarding Forgetfulness.”

(Out of respect for their anonymity, I am not naming names or any of that goodness. If you would like to find out more about Rebirthing, please email me and I will provide their web information – with their permission.)

Back to the first time I met him:

I was the only person that showed up that night for the group session. After a rather uncomfortable silence, he inquired, “So. You and your husband are involved in a ménage a trois with my daughter?”

“Uh, yeah. I gotta get the fuck outta here,” said the voice in my head.

I didn’t know how to respond, so he dove right in.

“Nobody else is showed up tonight. You created this you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“You created this so that we could be alone and talk.”

[Granted, I may consume my fair portion of mind-bending initiators, but I swear to you, my trippiest experiences to date have occurred when I’m completely sober.]

That night became the first of many spiritual therapy sessions. Having never met the man, he started off with, “Now, to set the record straight, your sexuality is not going to get you anywhere this time. Your parlor tricks won’t work here. Not with me.”

I shivered and felt as though he had picked me up and pinned me against the wall.

How did he know about my old patterns (or what I had thought were old patterns)?

Note: the girl that liked the manipulative mind-fuckyness of flirtation is also the same girl that wanted to be the front-and-center-of-attention actress.

I can look back at her now and can laugh. I remember how jealous she would become when her partners would flirt with other people and can easily call her out on her hypocritical insecurities.
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At 28, I’m in a place now where I can appreciate the art of flirtation for the positive pure release that it is. It’s a good stress-reliever. It’s sets the stage for smirks, smiles and laughter. And, of course, it’s important to connect with others, again, regardless of our titles or boundaries.

I like that what I’m attracted to now are the intellectual, expanded-mind, arty folks. I love stepping into a place of calculated strategy & wordplay with said individuals and I can only hope that Adam takes the same comforts & liberties.

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On the side:

Today, on one of Seattle’s signature grey & drizzly days, nestled under a tree in the middle of barren Cal Anderson Park, this girl was playing this remorseful melody on her trumpet.

It was so beautiful.

Also, after a round of antibiotics, my right ear is still in tremendous pain. So, I pull my perspective back and say, “Okay, so energetically-speaking, what is it that I’m currently hearing that is causing me pain?”

Or

“What am I not listening to, what am I ignoring to listen to, that is causing me pain?”

Damn it.
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