Laughing thru Limbo

So I’m in an interesting place.

I’m in a state of perpetual exhaustion and my body is in near-constant pain: shoulders, neck, back, legs, feet. It all hurts.

I’m sleeping solidly through the night and getting a healthy quantity: not too much, not too little. I’m trying to pace my working state: I’m going from about 7:30am till 9 or 10pm, breaking for meals and walks.

I try coffee. It doesn’t work. I still feel tired. So I’ve been plowing thru all this work as is, and I’m still accomplishing a lot, but I can’t help but to yearn for a state of higher energy.

Then there’s the flip side.

I can’t seem to fully relax. My usual relax-inducing enablers aren’t quite delivering.

Interesting connection/counter-balance: I feel as though I can’t quite grab hold and I can’t quite let go. Sounds like limbo. But not quite, because I’m getting a lot done.

I know what the solution is. I’m still not allocating the essential “me time”. I’ve gotta start giving myself the 1-2 hours a day to chant and do yoga. I have to. No more diving into work right away in the morning. No exaggeration: I walk from my bed to my computer. After an hour or so I backtrack to the kitchen in order to make coffee.

If I’m serious about remaining healthy and progressing to a higher state of health, then I have to make myself a priority. Everything else will only benefit.

Friday afternoon I went down to Zeitgeist with the intent of eeking out a few hours of creative time. I’ve been working from home for almost three weeks straight and needed to come up for some air.

Not long after I settled into my spot, did two mid to late 20s girls sit next to me. They were grad students in psychology and proceeded to psychoanalyze one another for a good solid two hours.

The more excited they got about their conversation, the louder they became. Their voices would crescendo to the extent that I would wince, sigh, shift, roll my eyes, etc. and they would apologize and bring it back down to a tolerable decibel.

Although it provided for entertaining eavesdropping, I couldn’t help but conclude, “I’m so freaking glad I decided against studying psychology.”

As we all know far too well, I’ve already got the analyzing down, thank you very much.

So instead of writing, I proceeded to reorganize the laptop’s desktop. I restructured and alphabetized all of the bookmarks. I did a bunch of nothingness, really. Aesthetic cleaning.

We had a great weekend: hung out with friends and laughed. A lot.

This morning I feel better.