The Clouds are Calling Me

One thing this freelance gig has done for me over the years is to implant a great love of travel. Certainly, I’ve always been one to get off on new spaces. But, man, there’s just something about getting above the clouds that feels like home. Leg one of today’s travel hosted a range of ultra white billoughy puffs. Leg two was the golden hour. Mmhhm. Sunsets above the clouds are the best. Purples and oranges nuzzling away at another day’s passing.

Something about the expansiveness of the sky has a soothing effect on my mind. Almost as though my perception feels closer to my higher self, I feel like I’m able to be more comfortable in wider ranges of perspective. (Makes sense, right? Being on the ground feels, well, feels more grounded.)

And for those of you keeping score, as much as I like to think of myself as a grounded individual (and I can be in certain arenas) I’ve always played at the top of my game with my head in the clouds!

I’m at a crossroads now, and have been resisting the movement through it to the furthest possible extent, wherein I have to blend my head-in-the-clouds possibility reality with the grounded reality. And I think I’ve been going at it in the wrong way (trying to bring the grounded to the sky instead of bringing the magic, the creative power, the bliss down to the grounded level).

That’s why the success has, on many occasions, just ever so slightly slipped through my grasp. (Of course, this all depends on how one defines success.) I can see so clearly that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, right now. And I don’t want to turn away,

I realized something quite profound today. I realized that the whole me isn’t dying. I realized that the parts of me that are dying are the parts that can no longer be a part of me in order for me to grow and evolve in the way that I chose before my birth. Thus far, it has been my experience to grieve this process, to grieve for my loss. And I’ve been hanging on to the grieving portion because I’ve been afraid to let go.

But the fear is dissipating. And a new, fresh hunger is emerging. This expanded consciousness is demanding a much grander participation in all arenas, really.

As much as I love to observe, to contemplate, to analyze, the passivity of it all has grown extremely uncomfortable. The results-oriented side of me has grown restless. The extrovert, bludgeoned and bloodied, is still asking to re-emerge, but in a more humbled state.

And I’m working on opening up my arenas of possibility when it comes to communicative opportunities. For so long I operated on such a narrow path as to what was creatively acceptable. And I’m learning not to judge the path or the projects that literally fall in my lap. Any outward exertion is pure experience, is something greater than what was here before.

Everything is a bridge to the next step.

Reading over some more Avatar stuff today, I was reminded of two very important things:

1. Our beliefs determine our experience (not the other way around). Careful now, boys and girls, this can get mind-bending. This also brings personal responsibility to a whole new level.

2. Our present is our source. The present is our real-“time”, stream lining truth. The past is only created in thought forms from the present (as is any ideas, notions, fantasies, fears, etc. about the future).

I can’t deny this ‘new-agey’ side of me any longer. Perception, consciousness, reality, sanity, unity, solidarity, self-awareness, cosmic consciousness, godhead, the relationships we have with our higher selves, it’s where my interest has always been this time around.

It expresses itself (easiest) through the visual elements. Thus far, through painting mostly. But the attraction to photography and, obviously, film is always calling. And lately, music has been really nagging at me. I miss the discipline, and the intimate bond that forms with an instrument.

And, of course, writing has been my biggest attraction. Like a moth to a fluorescent porch light, I will keep coming back until the one day where the contact with the light source results in nirvana.

Film is still my greatest love: the merging of the written and visual arts. I believe that it will continue to be my ultimate creative goal, but in the meantime, I want to start allowing for the birth and development of everything else.

Everything is a bridge to the next step.

And I mean, really, one can only collect so many charred moth corpses.

I wish to actively pursue this path. I will heal myself and become healthy again.

I will cultivate success on the communicative path. And I’m going to take steps forward even though the path in not fully lit, knowing that illumination will follow.

Illumination will follow.

Is that not the definition of faith?